Shadow of sadness

Josh's suicide has changed each and every one of us who loved him. For me, I think the biggest change is not looking forward to the future without the shadow of sadness. When I think of something positive or uplifting that is going to happen in the future it is never without the immediate following thought of not being able to share it with Josh.

I can think of NOTHING that feels complete without him. I find myself wanting to build a new life where there would be no expectation of him being in it. But the only way to do that is to build a new me.... one that doesn't love him and miss him so much.

That's just not going to happen. Nor do I want it to.

So wtf am I supposed to do with that?