Friday, May 28, 2010

A Bad Day.

The tears come swimming down through the smiles to catch me unawares.
 
There should be no more birthdays for me if he can't have them too.
 
I'm so fucking angry sometimes. Today, it's at him. For not being here. For not wanting to be here. For choosing NOT to be here.
 
Damnit Josh, where the hell are you?

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Sunday, May 09, 2010

Mothers Day #2

There really isn't any point in trying to express how bittersweet this day is for me. You've either walked in my shoes and get it on a gut level and don't need me to tell you how it feels because your living it.... or you haven't and there aren't enough words in the universe to express the roiling of emotions today brings.

The chain I wear around my neck was a gift from him. The tokens and charms that hang from it have been given to me on significant anniversaries since his death. Today I added one that says "survivor".

Maybe with time, I will come to believe it.