When Josh died, the person I was died with him. Now I'm on a journey of re-birth. Painful, gutwrenching, full of angst though it may be, I am on it with the intent to grow and learn, and as always, love my son.
His smell.
The warm earthy scent of him.
I hold his hat over my nose in an effort to catch a whiff of him, and I can still detect the odor of his sweat, but it's faint, and slightly stale. Not bad, just cold, lacking the warmth of his scalp to reignite it's strength.
Of all the stupid things....
I miss the way he smelled.
posted by Lisa @ 10:50 AM
1 Comments
On October 2, 2008 my beautiful twenty six year old son, Joshua McBeth, died by Suicide due to depression associated with bipolar disorder. This blog is about my journey to learn how to live without him. It may not be what you want to read, but it will be what I need to write, when I need to write it.
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1 Comments:
No, it is NOT stupid. Smell is such a deep tie, one of the things that most evokes memories. A spouse who sleeps alone with the last clothes worn by the loved one, is neither pathetique, crazy, nor laughable, just someone holding on to the the last essence of their beloved. Why should a mother be different. I don't know how YOU feel, only that I imagine somewhat how horrible it must be, as I think how I would feel, and I am sorry for anyone enduring such loss. I know you a little in FL
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